my evanescence

Sometimes, the first guess will usually be the right one. For instance, when I see other people staring at me, or visiting my online site(s) and reading my blog; I'm pretty sure they're thinking about what an emotional mess I must be considering how pathetic all my posts are... but if they took the time to get to know a little bit about me, they would soon discover that I can be a pretty nice person. On the other hand, if they REALLY took the time to get to know a lot about me, then they would realize that they were completely right the first time.

Same thing with the last guy I dated. The first few months I knew him I thought that he was the nicest, most wonderful guy I have ever been with... But after I told him how I felt about him, us, my life.. he wasn't exactly the nicest one anymore. Sometimes my being disappointed by him could take weeks to fully get over. It would frustrate me so much because I had created this amazing picture in my mind of how wonderful I thought this person really was... until I discovered that he can be different, completely and totally different. I suppose everyone experiences this feeling of being betrayed by one's self and by that one person in their life at one time or another.

Sadly, in the process of recognizing this, I've become disoriented and lost the essence of who I really am... And it's one of the biggest reasons for all of my failure. I once read that the main thing you need to achieve success is to be your own best friend... but I don't even like who I am anymore. The most important thing to remember is regardless of how disappointed this made me feel, I have to find a way to continue to love myself since that is the only person I will never be able to get away from!